Category Archives: Books

Gargoyle Girls reviewed in Rue Morgue, Cthulhu reviewed at Innsmouth Free Press

Gargoyle Girls of Spider Island was reviewed in the latest issue of Rue Morgue, which has been my favorite horror publication for many years. Here’s what they said about it: “If you were to take everything horror writers typically shy away from and mush it into one streamlined novel, you might get something like splatterpunk adventure tale Gargoyle Girls of Spider Island. Expect to see gruesome shark attacks, pirate hijackings and plenty of multi-vaginal tentacle monsters during your travels, while action, sex, and laughs compete for page space. Seriously.”

A huge thanks to Jessa Sobczuk for that review.

Also, Nathaniel Katz wrote an in-depth review of Cthulhu Comes to the Vampire Kingdom for Innsmouth Free Press. You can read that here.

In the past few weeks, I’ve had a new story published (“Crayfish House” at Small Doggies Magazine) and five poems were published by New Wave Vomit.

Two New Reviews of Gargoyle Girls

Horror Talk says:

“Cameron Pierce’s Gargoyle Girls of Spider Island has drawn comparisons to some of the biggest names in horror. While it’s true that you can hear echoes of H.P. Lovecraft and Brian Keene in this tome, the best thing about Gargoyle Girls is that it’s entirely a Pierce book. This means the prose is sharp and intelligent, the twists are wild and come at you fast, there’s plenty of humor and the story will be over before you want it to be. As with every book I’ve read by this Wonderland Book Award-winning author, the first page managed to hook me in and my attention was ensnared until the last word.

Part gory horror story, part love story, part island adventure story and all bizarro, Gargoyle Girls is yet another Pierce book that helps redefine what bizarre fiction can be. The author is a man of extremes, but he somehow manages to balance his extremes out. The story is as horrific as it’s sexy, as gory as it’s humorous and as weird as it’s classic. For fans of horror, tensions run high, dismemberment and blood abound and evil monsters unlike any other come out at night. For fans of bizarro, the characters offer a hilarious critique of white rich kids, there’s a vagina-headed baby and the ending is an epic and strange love story that could only come from the talented/twisted mind of Pierce.

Monsters, adventure and absurdity collide wonderfully in this deranged tale, just don’t be surprised if you read it in one sitting and then find yourself purchasing more of Pierce’s work. If you like your horror on the weird side, Gargoyle Girls of Spider Island is a must-read.”

Anything Horror says:

“As in all of Pierce’s novels and short stories, his writing style just grabs you from the first sentence and draws you into the story like some kind of Siren call.  I couldn’t put GARGOYLE GIRLS OF SPIDER ISLAND down and read it in one sitting.  Pierce’s characters here are very well fleshed out and have a depth to them that one doesn’t always find in bizarro fiction.  Oscar develops over the course of the story and goes from being a spoiled brat to a man taking on a lot of responsibility.  And just wait until you find out how Colette saves the day with her menstrual flow (yikes)!!  The pace is extremely quick and just when you think Pierce might be getting away from bizarro fiction … BAM; he drops the bizarro hammer on your head.”

A huge thanks to Gabino Iglesias and Scott Shoyer for taking the time to read and say something kind about this book.

Gargoyle Girls of Spider Island is available in trade paperback and also for the Kindle.

Gargoyle Girls of Spider Island

“Ever wonder what a collaboration between Edward Lee and Richard Laymon would read like? If you’re a hardcore horror fan, of course the answer is yes. But have you ever wondered how that hypothetical collaboration might have turned out had someone secretly dosed them with some bad LSD at some point during the process? Well, wonder no more, because I think it may very well have turned out like Cameron Pierce’s new book, Gargoyle Girls of Spider Island. Or, to put it in pithy catchphrase form, ‘It’s like Lost on Acid!’ Either way, Gargoyle Girls is a trip.” — BRYAN SMITH, author of The Killing Kind and Depraved

A bizarro twist on island horror stories such as Dagon, Zombi 2, and Brian Keene’s Castaways.

Four college seniors venture out into open waters for the tropical party weekend of a lifetime. Instead of a teenage sex fantasy, they find themselves in a nightmare of pirates, sharks, and sex-crazed monsters.

Oscar shouldn’t have stolen his stepdad’s boat, but he wanted to impress Colette, who he has been pining after since their freshman year. This vacation was the perfect time to let the romantic sparks fly. With his best friend Allen (and Colette’s friend, Jane, the bitch) tagging along, Oscar saw no way this trip could possibly suck. His hopes die when they are hijacked by pirates. Then their boat sinks and someone gets eaten by a shark. Finally, stranded on a tropical island with an endless supply of rum, Oscar believes their epic weekend can finally begin. But the island is populated by a savage race of beautiful women. When night falls, these women transform into grotesque monsters unlike anything ever seen in fiction.

Pulp horror with a heart, Gargoyle Girls of Spider Island is the most deranged island horror story ever told.

Praise From HORROR TALK:
“Cameron Pierce’s Gargoyle Girls of Spider Island has drawn comparisons to some of the biggest names in horror. While it’s true that you can hear echoes of H.P. Lovecraft and Brian Keene in this tome, the best thing about Gargoyle Girls is that it’s entirely a Pierce book. This means the prose is sharp and intelligent, the twists are wild and come at you fast, there’s plenty of humor and the story will be over before you want it to be. As with every book I’ve read by this Wonderland Book Award-winning author, the first page managed to hook me in and my attention was ensnared until the last word.

Part gory horror story, part love story, part island adventure story and all bizarro, Gargoyle Girls is yet another Pierce book that helps redefine what bizarre fiction can be. The author is a man of extremes, but he somehow manages to balance his extremes out. The story is as horrific as it’s sexy, as gory as it’s humorous and as weird as it’s classic. For fans of horror, tensions run high, dismemberment and blood abound and evil monsters unlike any other come out at night. For fans of bizarro, the characters offer a hilarious critique of white rich kids, there’s a vagina-headed baby and the ending is an epic and strange love story that could only come from the talented/twisted mind of Pierce.

If you like your horror on the weird side, Gargoyle Girls of Spider Island is a must-read.”

Praise From BEAUTY IN RUINS:
“…a hell of sexual slavery, inhuman depravity, and very human cruelty.”

Praise From ANYTHING HORROR:
“As in all of Pierce’s novels and short stories, his writing style just grabs you from the first sentence and draws you into the story like some kind of Siren call.  I couldn’t put GARGOYLE GIRLS OF SPIDER ISLAND down and read it in one sitting.  Pierce’s characters here are very well fleshed out and have a depth to them that one doesn’t always find in bizarro fiction.”

Click here to order Gargoyle Girls of Spider Island.

The Age of Disaster Poetry and Naked Exhibitionism: Words out of Context from Burroughs, Ballard, Blanchot, Marcus, and Celan

Last night, after I’d come to a stopping point in editing, I decided to take a few books and randomly select one word from every page. I recorded whatever word latched onto me first. In some instances, a phrase (such as ‘The Crab’) stuck out too prominently for me to omit one word or the other, so I wrote down both. Here are the results.

The first person to write a story/novel/whatever incorporating all of these words/names/whatever gets to go on television during the Super Bowl halftime show and cry before a national audience.

Naked Lunch by William S. Burroughs

doll, Note, breathe, retired, The Man, eaten, ectoplasmic, stash, Rube, the, at, hassle, Agents, distasteful, his, levels, pot, mosaic, bureaucracy, Often, teeth, naked, never, stimulation, Senders, abortionist, artery, not, Benway, area, from, much, understand, course, pissing, female, talking, genitals, in, mathematician, misbehavior, growing, junky, custom, myself, deliver, sometimes, agents, Notes, industry, undreaming, kidney, You, Saniflush, slight, papier mache, naked, addiction, which, can’t, yes, you, Jesus, penis, Regret, Mugwump, behind, pictures, dancer, cowboy, Naked, them, whips, listlessly, one, Hear, rambling, his, pants, bathroom, buddy, premonitory,* deserted, religious, Johnny, almost, body, leaps, heroin, clap, bill, system, you, agitation, houses, bebop, walls, perpetrator, Chinese, Millions, citizens, Then, tuck, spied, provided, jump, that, about, Doctor, anything, wouldn’t, Jeeeeesus, Stand, sure, chicken, mutterings, screaming, act, giving, virus, Huntsmen, palpates, He, triplicate, paralyzed, troubles, Ali, We’ll, Daybreak, Mullahs, became, old, courses, legend, Gertie, Make, Faculty, MANAGER, STOOGE, which, dossier, burn, die, Typical, tablets, drugs, more, replicas, depopulated, T.B., They’ll, North-by-North-East, Lee, cautiously, Kinda, Old Gray Mare, So, Spring, lush-rolling, Zone, fish, Marvie, him, tight, underwent, takers, effective, register, professional, flashed, did, turned, completely, now, Carl, chlorine, away, masturbation, coffee cup, feeling, dig, Sailor, egg, Exterminator, like, rhythm, burning, weren’t, voice, left, fell, Huh, back, called, non-resident, eyes, powdered, front, oil, crime, approval, dehydrated, 1929, The Crab, youths yodel, Now, thinking, hole, flesh, white, No good

Atrocity Exhibition by J.G. Ballard

assembled, Weapons, nervous, multiple-exposure, followed, translation, ripped, airfield, worn, Posterior, underpass, death, reminded, Persistence, Talbot’s, Stochastic, Koester, Optimum, multi-vehicle, cable, billboard, Thoracic, Jackie, fever, towards, Modern, Einstein, wheel, You, Suite, pelvis, Apartment, newsreels, failure, Max Ernst, complete, railing, Mere, million, Great, Profane, And, Action, overhead, pensive, counters, inclined, up, movements, bridge, automobile, aggressive, were, legs, schoolboy, geometry, With, stockades, described, tomorrow, photographs, lunar, back, exquisite, Good, applause, Robing, Dallas, EMBRYO, Speed-King, thousand, Assassination, group, sexual, night, latent, atrocity, increasingly, optimum, conceptualizing, Witwer, Nordvall, And, hoped, hairstyle, Ronald Reagan, Oswald, however

The Age of Wire and String by Ben Marcus

catalog, chief, Intercourse, Snoring, celebration, father, luster, opening, Act, absorbs, weeping, position, Albert, sometimes, Landing, confession, golds, first, shortens, wooden, repercussive, morning, use, claim, prison, period, rising, built, Larchmont, innocent, openly, Cloth, darkness, head, legs, some, runnel, achieves, name, maker, Strategy, cooling, windows, sleeping, When, Coughing, It, open, broken, house, was, Destroy, Archaic, discussed, heat, Garment, circle, person, category, system, pursue, Ben Marcus, meaning, streams, were, There, sluggish, held, tunnels, followed, fruit, Continuous, burned, mother, garment, man, first, falsified, period, names, position, compulsory, manner, man, I am, blankets, bird, shapes, sled, them, put, bird, will, grandover, fires, bundles, Ben Marcus, flat, swings, analysts, musicians, subdued, tropes, brother, front, foam, earliest, Welder, Arm, Accountant, water, spicules, wire, inscriptions, which, full, previous, object

The Writing of the Disaster by Maurice Blanchot

disaster, indecipherable, catastrophic, exposed, rhythm, words, brings, system, primitive, exclusion, negative, beneath, prayer, remain, suffering, characteristics, scrivener’s, unsubjected, Most-High, dominator, unlimited, identity, difficult, exile, word, order, different, silent, Silence, measure, mortified, mortal, thought, other, shelter, book, forerunners, defying, teleology, letter, propriety, watch, tacit, madness, body, same, irony, sky, consciousness, Joy, watches, deprives, forgiving, What, well-disposed, morality, meaning, abyss, uninterrupted, a work, requires, writer, poet, To write, he interrupts, never, not yet, experience, always, ceaselessly, death, pronounce, No, zones, indifferent, enacted, cannot, noncontemporaneity, knows, demans, extinguished, suffered, clandestine, bread, obliterated, myth, threatening, balanced, where, destroys, means, must, presence, nearest, thought, facile, uncovers, transhistorical, reciprocity, resounds, happened, Aristotle, Mallarme, present, lapse, discovery, language, thus, designate, word, fail, number, allow, indiscretion, Saying, heavy, considered, understanding, immortal, presupposes, writer, preserving, Nietzsche, reference, absolute, mythical, narrative, multiplicity, continuous, indicates, because, isolated, basis, reason, supposed, cavernous, perpetuity, linked, opening, Law, escaped, Today, requirement, seek, imperceptibly, Shining

Selected Poems and Prose of Paul Celan

whipped, swelter, skeletons, glance, with, instead, wintry, Lord, green, Mould-green, eyes, Spiteful, lover’s, house, grave, makes, say, eye, emptiness, you, sail, humans, looked, stone, swimming, into, climbed, which, gray, bursts, figs, pursed, lift, among, with, too, ensilenced, me, death, free ones, nettle, endlessness, deeply, one, unwritten, swarming, beholder, graspable, darkness, glance, evening, Heart, Muteness, four-beat, Hours, terrain, see, up, poison-hushed, dry eyes, rises, flight, nothing, inscribed, overhead, Thou, mousetail, true, Paris, With, heaven, lostness, earth, incants, what, right, Plague, my, field, crowns, gnashed, Nothing, me, you, thousandyear, round, Baobab, packed, heavy, Huesca, hair, arises, night, Humans-and-Jews, letters’, mixed, coils, tastes, back, Alba, Breath-and-Clay, scales, shoulder, from, shadows, Clapped, blows, teeth, rest, Stand-for-no-one-and-nothing, silenced, high, flood, I, experience, from, No more sand art, Hollow, seed’s, tear, night, Pontic, dolphins, Water, psalmhooved, cathedrals, Also, midst, behind, amidst, wart, One, opens, here, Go, rounded, deciphered, brainlessly, everything, crumbled, flapping, Rachel, think, barb, more, Light-compulsion, top, dusk’s, wondrous, hoarded, one, grounded, meathooks, madnessbread, Staunch clocks, wife, wound, winded, Plaguey, conversation, bemused, heraldry, one, And, above, Gethsemane, goldbuoy, torch, across, Lion, tuning, shardstrewn, end, names, common, Invisible, seven, always, murderers’, me, meanings, heaviest, language, poem, stone, around, Thou, Gross, Conciergerie, someone, gentlemen, through, gentlemen, Perhaps, sometimes, every, Ever-yet, present, With, encountered, presence, newly

*I had to pause here because my cat vomited.

 

Apex on Bizarro Fiction

Apex Book Company has published a writeup on bizarro fiction by Don Campbell, in which they provide a brief overview of the genre and discuss some of the works of Carlton Mellick III, Mykle Hansen, Jeff Burk, and my own Ass Goblins of Auschwitz. Click here to read it. While you’re on the Apex website, be sure to check out Issue 31 of Apex Magazine as well as their bookstore. This year, Apex published Starve Better by Nick Mamatas, Let’s Play White by Chesya Burke, and re-released Like Death by Tim Waggoner, among other titles.

Looking for some inspiration or just some cool pictures to stare at? Head on over to Matthew Revert’s Trash Complex, where he has posted some incredible Czech new wave film posters. Also, over at Bizarro Central, Sam Reeve is blogging about a different weird artist every day for the entire month of December. The artists she has chosen so far have all been incredible.

In other news,  Abortion Arcade is now available for the Kindle. Abortion Arcade contains No Children (a post-apocalyptic novella about zombies who farm humans like cattle), The Roadkill Quarterback of Heavy Metal High (a Troma-esque high school drama about Dio, football, and the terrors of an adolescent werewolf), and The Destroyed Room, which might be my favorite longer work I’ve written.

Twelve Books That Meant the World to Me in 2011

Here are twelve books that made a significant impact on my life in 2011. Some of these were published this year while others have been around for a while. This is not a ‘best of the year’ list or necessarily a list of favorites. These are the books that are closest to my heart, the ones that I learned from, and the ones that guided me.

1. The Moomin series by Tove Jansson

On nights when writing and editing don’t keep me up until the late hours, Kirsten and I will read to each other before going to sleep. This year, bedtime books included The Search for Delicious, The Hoboken Chicken Emergency, and one of my all-time favorites, The Phantom Tollbooth, but nine times out of ten, we choose the Moomins.

We are absolutely enamored with these characters and their strange little world. The Moomins exhibit a Buddhist-like detachment from the problems they encounter in their daily lives, unless that problem happens to be the dreaded Groke. The undercurrent of melancholy that pervades these books makes them all the more mysterious.

Over the past year, Moomin Valley has become my favorite world in fiction. It’s an ideal place to spend the nights and mornings. If Kirsten and I ever have free time in the morning, we tend to watch an episode of the Japanese Moomin cartoon while eating breakfast and having coffee. Someday, I hope we can move to Moomin Valley permanently.

There are eight books in the series. If you’re looking for a jumping off point, start with the first one, Comet in Moominland. Just watch out for the Hemulen, collector of plants and stamps.

2. Of Thimble and Threat: The Life of a Ripper Victim by Alan M. Clark

Books and movies rarely make me cry, but by the end of Alan M. Clark’s Of Thimble and Threat, I was bawling. In terms of scope and power, this novel feels more akin to Dostoevsky and other heavyweights of Russian literature than any contemporary novel I’ve encountered. Clark draws you into the life and plight of Catherine Eddowes, the third Jack the Ripper victim. However, this is not a novel about Jack the Ripper. This is a novel about one woman and her life in bleak-ass Victorian London. Following Catherine Eddowes from childhood to death, you will fall in love with her even as she plummets down a dark path that inevitably results in self-destruction and unbearable pain for her loved ones. This book swells with so much emotion and is so brilliantly constructed that all I can really say is this: Read it, folks. Read it for good writing. Read it for entertainment. Read it to be a better person. Read it for any reason at all. Whatever your motives, do not miss this book. It’s important.

3. Unclean Jobs for Women and Girls by Alissa Nutting

One of my great joys in life is discovering a wonderful short story writer who I was previously unfamiliar with. This year, my favorite new discovery was Alissa Nutting. Rarely do I find a collection that fills me with as much joy as her debut, Unclean Jobs for Women and Girls. If you’re a fan of Kelly Link or the sweeter side of Carlton Mellick III, or if you simply enjoy well-written stories that are as weird and funny as they are thoughtful and emotionally engaging, Alissa Nutting just might be your new favorite writer.

4. Wave of Mutilation by Douglas Lain

I’ve been a fan of Douglas Lain since I was in high school, so it’s incredibly surreal for me to now be his editor. In my humble opinion, he’s the greatest science fiction writer alive and the most deserving torchbearer to Philip K. Dick. In person and on paper, Douglas Lain is brilliant. He enlightens as he entertains, and you never know quite where he’ll take you next. His first book, the collection Last Week’s Apocalypse, caused a little revolutionary uprising inside my seventeen-year-old brain. Now, with Wave of Mutilation, Douglas Lain has become the revolution. This book will only take you an hour or two to read, but I’m willing to bet that it will change your life.

5. The No Hellos Diet by Sam Pink

Sam Pink is an indomitable force in modern fiction. He’s like an early Mike Tyson with the spirit of Evander Holyfield. I’ve probably laughed out loud more while reading his work than I have any other living writer, period. You’ll feel comforted and somewhat disturbed as you find yourself relating to the eccentric characters and disembodied voices that occupy his fiction and poetry. And he writes such perfect, tight sentences. I’ve read this book too many times to count, and I’ll probably read it countless more times in the next year or so.

Bottom line is this:

1. Sam Pink is the best writer writing about young people in America today.

2. The No Hellos Diet is the best book ever written about working in a department store.

6. Geek Love by Katherine Dunn

Geek Love, written by Portland author Katherine Dunn, sat near the top of my TBR mountain for years. When Kirsten and I were selecting books to bring along on our honeymoon at the Sylvia Beach Hotel, I chose Geek Love among a handful of other titles. Kirsten’s first choice was Swamplandia by Karen Russell, also a ‘sideshow novel.’

During my last semester at Evergreen College before moving to Portland on an internship with Eraserhead Press, I was part of a program that allowed me to basically construct my own curriculum. I decided to study freaks in literature. There are some great books that tackle the subject, notably Freakery: Cultural Spectacles of the Extraordinary Body and Sideshow U.S.A.: Freaks and the American Cultural Image. Also on my reading list were Nobel Prize winners Gunter Grass and Par Lagerkvist, Carson McCullers, and other great writers, but somehow I never got around to Geek Love. Perhaps it was for the best, because when I finally did read it, I was doing so during some of the happiest days in my life. There’s no better time to discover a great book.

7. The Palm-Wine Drinkard by Amos Tutuola

I’m just gonna come out and say it. Amos Tutuola knocked me on my ass. Reading The Palm-Wine Drinkard rekindled the brain explosion of discovering a completely original voice for the first time. I’ll always remember the first time I read Kafka. I’ll never forget my experience with Tutuola either. If you aspire to write bizarro or any other form of strange fiction, The Palm-Wine Drinkard is a must-read.

8. The Case Worker by George Konrad

This is the only book on the list that I haven’t finished yet, partially because I don’t want it to end and also because every section is so devastating. Fiction this perfect doesn’t come around very often. When it does, treat it like gold. While you’re at it, check out everything else that Penguin put out under their Writers from Another Europe series.

9. Every Shallow Cut by Tom Piccirilli

James Ellroy fans, prepare to shoot me. When I’m in the mood for crime fiction, Jim Thompson and Tom Piccirilli stand alone at the top of my list. The more I read of these guys, the more I want to read them — and write what they’re writing (or in Thompson’s case, what he wrote). Just thinking about Every Shallow Cut makes me want to drop all my plans this evening and burn through the novella again. That’s because Tom Piccirilli writes like a man on fire. His sentences bob and weave like classic pugilists. His characters are desperate in all the right ways. Every Shallow Cut demonstrates a master of gritty poetics at the top of his game. Read everything by him, starting with this book and his southern gothic, A Choir of Ill Children.

10. I Knocked Up Satan’s Daughter by Carlton Mellick III

Nobody can take a tired formula and transform it into an original, hilarious, awesomely weird book quite like Carlton Mellick III. In I Knocked Up Satan’s Daughter, Mellick takes on the romantic comedy formula. Remaining totally faithful to one of the most overused story arcs in Hollywood, he transforms it into a heartfelt masterpiece that couldn’t possibly have been written by anyone else. As a bonus, the main character lives in a LEGO house. That alone would have earned it a spot on this list.

11.  Stories for Nighttime and Some for the Day by Ben Loory

Ben Loory’s stories are a delight. They’re magical and simply told, with a peculiar sadness creeping in around the edges. Perfect fairy tales for the twenty-first century. Stories for Nighttime and Some for the Day contains some of the finest really-short short stories that I’ve encountered in a long time. If you write any flash fiction at all, I recommend studying these stories.

12.  We Live Inside You by Jeremy Robert Johnson

Six years after the release of the cult hit Angel Dust Apocalypse, Jeremy Robert Johnson’s new collection has finally dropped. From the body-horror freakout “When Susurrus Stirs” to the larger-than-life, awesomely touching “Persistence Running,” We Live Inside You contains Jeremy’s best work and the most diverse range of dark fiction you’re likely to find in a single author collection. It’s a triumphant return of one of today’s top short story writers. I’m amazed.

Booklife and Truly Immortal Poetry About My Cat in Knitted Sweaters

I’m sure many of you are familiar with Booklife by Jeff VanderMeer, a guidebook of strategies and advice for surviving as a writer in the hypermedia explosion that is life in the age of the internet. Booklife is not a ‘how-to’ guide or a book on writing craft, and this is a good thing. I think this book is essential reading for anyone attempting to nurture a writing career in the early twenty-first century. You’ll learn from this book. You’ll be inspired and motivated.

I’ve read Booklife multiple times. Each time I discover some piece of inspiration that I somehow missed (or failed to fully process) before. About a year ago, I was rereading the appendix of Booklife. Appendix F is a short essay called “Evil Monkey’s Guide to Creative Writing.” Toward the bottom of the second page, I was struck so hard by a single line in the essay that I dropped my snifter of brandy. The dog began lapping up the brandy, cutting his tongue on the broken glass, but I was paralyzed. Struck dumb.

I realized where I’d gone wrong in my booklife.

This is the line that affected me so: “No one has ever written truly immortal poetry about how good their dog looks in knitted garments.”

Of course, Evil Monkey shot straight to the root of my problem. I had written books about flying sharks, pickles and pancakes falling in love, children imprisoned in concentration camps, and Cthulhu’s quest for the perfect hamburger, but secretly, in private, I had filled numerous spiral-bound notebooks with poetry about how good my dog looks in knitted garments. These ‘dog poems’ comprised the majority of my output, but none of them had been published. Eraserhead Press did not want my dog poetry. Neither did Tin House, Melville House, Glimmer Train, Caketrain, or the countless other publications and presses where I had submitted my dog poems.

And so, guided by the sage advice of Evil Monkey, I reexamined my booklife.

I tossed my dog poems in the garbage can, put on my best cardigan sweater, and threw myself into a creative furor. For many months I burned, until one day I looked up from the typewriter, only to realize that my masterpiece was finished. I called it Truly Immortal Poetry About My Cat in Knitted Sweaters.

My thought process had gone something like this:

Cats are more literary than dogs.

Sometimes my dog cat simply does not look good in knitted garments. If poetry is about spilling/revealing/stabbing the eternal truths of the universe, then it was my duty as a poet to write about how ugly my dog cat looked sometimes.

Specificity is key. I chose sweaters to replace garments, but I could have just as easily chosen socks, scarves, or booties. Admittedly, my gut instinct said booties, but I feared the establishment might not take me seriously enough. Everyone likes sweaters.

Of course, writing my masterpiece wasn’t all that easy. During those months, I endured many dark nights of the soul. I overcame the anxiety of influence. I battled inner demons and police offers, who insisted that a ‘blurb request’ violated the restraining order Harold Bloom had placed on me. Let’s put all that aside for now. This is a happy time, for I can finally announce the impending release of my masterpiece!


Look at the glowing praise TRULY IMMORTAL POETRY ABOUT MY CAT IN KNITTED SWEATERS has received! The stunning cover, created by design virtuoso Matthew Revert, is sure to send copies flying off bookstore (and digital) shelves.

For this, my masterpiece and what is certain to be the poetry event of next year, I only have Jeff VanderMeer and Evil Monkey to thank. And maybe my dog cat.

Look for Truly Immortal Poetry About My Cat in Knitted Sweaters in stores early next year.

For now, be sure to pick up a copy of Booklife: Strategies and Survival Tips for the 21st-Century Writer by Jeff VanderMeer. Maybe you too can write truly immortal poetry like me.

Lloyd Kaufman praises The Ass Goblins of Auschwitz!

“This book is a Eurosleaze fairytale that’s better than the Da Vinci Code and should be on Oprah’s Book List! Pierce is one of the weirdest, most imaginative writers around. Toxie-approved!” – Lloyd Kaufman, director of The Toxic Avenger and Poultrygeist

I’m going to be geeking out about this forever. Time to celebrate with a Troma movie marathon.

Uncle Lloyd himself.

Dutch review of The Ass Goblins of Auschwitz

The amazing Pink Bullets just posted a positive review of The Ass Goblins of Auschwitz. Judith, their reviewer, was even kind enough to send me an English translation. If your Dutch is fluent, click here to read the review at Pink Bullets. Also check out the rest of Pink Bullets at http://www.pinkbullets.nl. Here’s the English translation:

Bizarre book: Ass Goblins of Auschwitz

“Literary snob as I am, I thought I knew all literary genres. I was wrong. Bizarro fiction is new to me. This genre pursuits to be strange, fascinating, thought provoking and fun. Ass Goblins of Auschwitz is strange and fascinating, but I wasn’t sure if reading it would be fun.

I have to be honest, after the first chapter I wasn’t sure if I wanted to keep on reading about the conjoined twins Otto and his brother. Or as they are called in Auschwitz; 1001 and 999. The bizarre fantasy world of author Cameron Pierce is however so bizarre and fascinating, that I had to keep on reading. Strange or not, it is a well written book.

The story is told from the point of view of Otto’s brother, whom we only get to know by his Auschwitz name; 999. Before the ass goblins came, Otto, his brother and all the other children lived in Kidsland. It was a nice and happy place, with seldom any problems. The biggest problem of the conjoined twins, was another set of conjoined twins; Frannie and Frannie 2. Frannie is great, Frannie 2 is creepy as hell.

One day, without a warning, the ass goblins invade Kidsland. All the children which aren’t murdered, are taken to Auschwitz, where they have to work in toy factories all day. Their food is the skin of deceased children and their own organs. The organs are served to them in a very peculiar way, by the toilet toads. If you want to know how exactly, you’ll have to read it yourself. When the main ass goblin -Adolf- is away, a couple of scientists decide to experiments on the conjoined twins and Frannie, Frannie 2, Otto and his brother get a chance to escape…

You’ve probably already understood, this is not your everyday story. The ass goblins aren’t just monsters, they look like that as well. Filthy creatures, nothing more than asses on legs, with sick hobbies like shit slaughter, also known as SS.

In short, this is a true bizarro novel.
Strange? Check.
Fascinating? Check.
Thought provoking? Check.
Fun to read? Yes. In between all the filth, there is humor, but if you don’t like filthy stories, don’t start this book. I kind of like filthy stories, therefore I am giving this book four out of the five pink bullets. This was a reading experience I will never forget.”

Shatner in American Apparel

Last night I decided to reread two of 2009’s most successful novellas instead of watching one of Lucio Fulci’s sword and sorcery movies.

A Lucio Fulci Sword & Sorcery movie

Although novellas are kind of the bastard middle child between the short story and the novel, I prefer reading and writing them over everything else. A lot of novels are bloated. They are like people who get fat after the holidays and need to make a New Year’s resolution for a diet, but then they get turned into wood pulp with text that’s 50% lard. Short stories are more like boxers. They can win or lose a fight in the first ten seconds of the first round, or they can duke it out until the final bell. They can fuck themselves over with one bad punch, some lazy footwork, etc. The best short stories are like early Mike Tyson combined with Mike Tyson in Punch-Out.

They will knock you out and eat your children while you wither away, pink and pixelated. Some of them will do this within the duration of an average commercial. That’s perfect for many occasions (like waiting for your coke dealer in a 7-11 parking lot), but what if you’re looking for a movie-duration smackdown? The novella is probably your best bet.

The first novella I reread was Shoplifting From American Apparel by Tao Lin (for the second read in less than two months).

SFAA is about Sam, a young writer who spends a lot of time chatting on Gmail chat, falling in and out of vague relationships, and eating organic vegan food. Occasionally, he shoplifts and gets arrested. He also meets Moby in New York and goes gambling in Atlantic City. On a trip to Florida for a reading and vegan brunch, he sees Ghost Mice and Star Fucking Hipsters.

Sometimes Sam says things like, “I think I changed or something . . . like, I like being around someone who isn’t like me a lot, in some ways, or something. I’m pretty sure I feel happy around her. I think I always feel good after I see her.” But there is no change. Sam and the people around him seem to float without consequence. They talk in the same vague or hip idioms. They express themselves like emoticons, occasionally trading in “a very angry facial expression” for “an excited facial expression” for “a serious facial expression,” etc. Sometimes people say they feel like killing themselves, but they never feel like anything, really. They are the Fucked Generation, as Luis (another young writer) tells Sam through Gmail chat early in the book.

Tao Lin has written a book with minimal plot, minimal characters, and minimal catharsis, and he’s done a damn good job making it larger than life. His characters might be tech-saturated voids, but they are human tech-saturated voids, and they are compelling as hell. You’ll laugh a lot too. “Fuck” and its derivatives are used about 46 times, plus there is a Rocky V reference.

After Shoplifting From American Apparel, I picked up Shatnerquake by Jeff Burk for the third time since it came out in April. In Shatnerquake, William Shatner is the guest of honor at the first-ever ShatnerCon, a gathering of nerds at the biggest convention center on earth. Shortly into the novella, a Bruce Campbell-worshipping cult known as the Campbellians sets off a Fiction Bomb, but it backfires. Rather than erasing all Shatner-related media from reality, the bomb sucks all of the characters William Shatner has ever played into the real world. Captain Kirk, Denny Crane, TJ Hooker, Priceline Shatner, singer Shatner, Rescue 911 Shatner, and others set out to kill the real William Shatner.

Even in the midst of this celebrity nightmare, many of the fans remain loyal to their icon. A herd of Shatner fans blame the disaster on Star Wars memorabilia dealers. They hurl insults at them like “Luke is emo” and “George Lucas is the cause of all pain and suffering,” and then they pelt them to death with Jar Jar Binks action figures. And then there is Bob Chaplin.

Bob is a William Shatner fanatic. He is such a fanatic that he has gone through a lot of surgery to look and sound identical to William Shatner. When they first meet and Shatner acknowledges that the two of them are even wearing the same suit, Bob says, “It was really quite easy to figure out which outfit you would go with. You wear roughly the same thirteen configurations for public appearances. There was then the consideration of major con versus minor con, this obviously being a major con. That eliminated six possibilities. From there it was a simple matter of reviewing your last twenty-eight public appearances and comparing that to your public dress history.” Bob teams up with Shatner to fend off a lightsaber-wielding Captain Kirk, but he is ultimately fucked over by his idol, just as Shatner fucks over himself.

Fiction should always induce laughter of some kind. We can laugh and have fun with our friends, with movies, with everything we do in life, but some people put on their serious, religious faces whenever Book Time rolls around. Their chests and shoulders become as heavy as the souls of murderers in Russian novels. I’m fine with Russian novels. I think everyone should read some of them. I think many of them are funny. But I think 2010 should be a year for reading a shit ton of short books that kick your ass. Shoplifting From American Apparel and Shatnerquake will do this. They should be at the top of your list.